Another article taken from “Good Game,” a magazine for the Manly Man...

Even Without Power, It Can Still Be Shocking
By Joe Schmoe

Last night on the 17^th, a power outage disrupted the lives of hundreds of people throughout our city. Although the effect of this outage was vast, this story is not about a great many people but about one couple in particular and the disturbing scene that the outage caused for them. This story is about John and Wendy Strouss.

It started out as a normal night for the Strouss’ despite the incessant rain. Just like any Tuesday, John and Wendy found themselves once again in front of the television watching their favorite line-up of sitcoms and dramas that span the greater part of four hours. As they lovingly embraced each other in their favorite spots on their comfortable couch they found themselves, in a matter of just a few milliseconds, thrown into a situation they will not soon forget.

Without warning, the lights flickered and died taking with them the television and every electronic device within their small apartment. Suddenly, they were sitting in the dark. Suddenly, they were in a place that they had not been in a long while: a place of silence.

John recalls the first few moments, “At first we just sat there waiting. This sort of thing has happened before, the lights would go out and after a minute or so, they would come back on and all would be well again. But this time was different. This time the lights never came back and after about three to five agonizing minutes, we decided to investigate.”

John left Wendy to check breaker panels and other possible causes, but upon looking out the window, he found that no lights were on for as far as he could see.

A wave of panic came over John as he looked back to Wendy sitting in the dark. “Our lives were shattered. She kept looking at me as if she was trying to ask a question with her eyes. Usually, in times of awkwardness, I would take comfort in my playstation or computer, but now where would I turn?”

To John’s amazement, Wendy was calm and almost happy about the incident. She quickly lit some candles around the living room and sat back upon the couch and motioned for John to come and sit next to her.

John remembers, “I didn’t know what to do. No T.V., no gaming console, no computer…not even the stereo could save me from what happened next.”

John had no place to run, he had nowhere else to go but to sit next to his wife…and talk. “It was like dating again, all that talking. I thought this was a thing of the past, I mean come’on we’re married, I didn’t need to put up with this.”

As John sat next to Wendy, she wasted no time. Out came months (or years) of pent up caring and love for John to which she had become callused. She was telling him about her day and what has been happening at work along with all the things she dreams of and hopes for the two of them. Five minutes, then ten, then fifteen…it seemed to be endless. And then, the unthinkable happened in this already shocking story…she asked John what he thought, what he felt, and how he has been. John was in a complete state of panic. What was he to do? There were absolutely no distractions; there was only Wendy and her questions…and her inquisitive eyes…and…that beautiful smile… No! He was not going to give in. If he gave in now and let her know of his feelings he would be forced to do so in the future. One thing always leads to another and in a relationship, the “other” always is against the guy.

“Well,” John thought, “If I have nothing to run off to, then I will just play along until the T.V. comes back on and rescues me.”

So John played along. He answered her questions in short answers that led to nowhere…or so he thought.

Wendy, however, kept things moving with opinions and more questions and before he knew it John was involved in a full-blown conversation. How had things come to this?

Unfortunately, this reporter has no answer to this question. I wish I could tell you that John had retained his manhood by finding his hand held gameboy or PSP, but that is simply not the case. The most unfortunate part of this story is that John, sadly, never snapped out of it. The lights finally came back on as well as the television, computer, and all the other electronic comforts, then John reached over in what we thought was his first step to recovery, took the remote from Wendy’s hand and (it saddens me to say) turned the television off in order to continue talking without distraction.

This story should be a wake-up call to all of us men. It should inspire us to have portable gaming devices handy, buy generators and uninterruptible power supplies (UPS) or maybe, on a grander level, we can petition congress to outlaw such power outages. These stories are everywhere and are threatening the very state of manliness, we must be prepared and aware lest we end up like John, a man who now knows and shares his feelings, a man who is on the road to getting kicked out of manhood. This may have happened to one, but it need not happen to us all. So keep banding together, keep making fun of sniveling saps like John and keep the beer cold.